NonViolent Communication

Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life
Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph.D.

NVC Cheat Sheet, By Kate for you

1. The concrete actions we are observing that are affecting our well-being.
2. How we feel in relation to what we are observing.
3. The needs, values desires, etc. that are creating our feelings.
4. The concrete actions we request in order to enrich our lives.

I. Observing without Evaluating.

Observation with evaluation mixed in: Doug procrastinates

Observation without evaluation: Doug only studies for exams the night before.

II. Identifying and Expressing Feelings.

Words like “ignored” express how we interpret others, rather that how we feel. Here is a sampling of such words.

Abandoned distrusted put down
Abused interrupted rejected
Attacked intimidated taken for granted
Bullied misunderstood unheard
Cheated neglected used

How we are likely to feel when our needs are being met

Affectionate enthusiastic overjoyed
Amazed excited moved
Appreciative friendly pleased
Calm fulfilled radiant
Cheerful gleeful satisfied
Concerned happy serene
Delighted intrigued touched
Encouraged mellow upbeat

How we are likely to feel when our needs are not being met

Afraid disgusted irate
Agitated disheartened jealous
Angry displeased jittery
Annoyed disturbed leery
Ashamed dull listless
Bewildered exhausted miserable
Cold furious panicky
Dejected helpless perplexed
Detached hesitant repelled
Discouraged impatient scared

III. Basic Human Needs

1. Autonomy – to choose one’s dreams, and plan for fulfilling dreams and goals.

2. Integrity – authenticity, creativity, meaning, self-worth.

3. Celebration – to celebrate achievements, dreams fulfilled and losses (mourning).

4. Interdependence – community, appreciation, emotional safety, love, respect, support, trust, understanding, warmth, honesty.

5. Play – fun, laughter.

6. Spiritual Communion – beauty, harmony, inspiration, order, peace.

7. Physical Nurturance – air, food, exercise, protection, rest, sexual expression, shelter, touch, water.

IV. Request – clear and positive

Good Requests:

- I would like to drive below or at the speed limit.
- I’d like you to tell me one thing that I did that you appreciate.

Not Clear Requests:

- I’d like to get to know you better. (This is not clear, maybe state: I’d like to have lunch next week.
- I’d like you to prepare dinner more often. (This is not clear, maybe state: I’d like you to prepare dinner twice a week.)

- Kate and Amazing Artwork by Lucas Antoniak